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Siggi Tomm's Acceptance Speech for the Most Over-Produced Victorian Epic Oscar:

Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly act! I feel so coked-up! And this statue - it's so suspiciously phallic! Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to know that even in my wildest fits of self-loathing, I never would have fantasized that this could ever help me get laid so much. And to the other closeted homosexual nominees, I want each of you to know how totally saddened your lackluster applause makes me feel right now!

You know when they first told me I was nominated, I just had to take a Xanax and obsess about how great my love scenes have been. I guess it all just makes me feel kinda cheap

You know, there are so many back-stabbing two-faced harpies to thank! First off though, I want to thank the glorified prostitutes of the Academy, who looked deep within their Magic 8-Balls before giving me this fantastic award! Also, I want to thank Charleton Heston, for being such a powerful force in my life. And to the hooker with the heart of gold, who taught me to take life by the balls. And finally, to all the personal assistants I fired - I couldn't have done it without you!

Thank you America, and good night!

Spádómar: Besti leikari Philip Seymor Hoffman,Besti leikari í auka hlutverki Matt Dillon, Besta Leikkona Felicity Huffman, besta leikkona í aukahlutverki Michelle Williams Besta Myndataka Good Night and Good Luck, Leikstjórn Ang Lee, Besta Mynd Broke back Moutain.

Auðvita voru þessir spádómar ekki byggðir á smekk Sigga. Siggi vissi bara hvað slepju óskarkúka fólk fannst gott.  ¶ 4:54 f.h.